All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So much rum. So many feels.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
