Ketchup is God's man juice
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
