I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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