so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
