i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
