I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
