Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You have to summon your inner elephant
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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