You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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