Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
