I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
