If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
