oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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