I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
