Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
