the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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