A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
