He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
