My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
