I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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