I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
