I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
