Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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