Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
