Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
