And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dignity is for republicans.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
