3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
