once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
