I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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