he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He? As in you personified your dick?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
