What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
