im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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