He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
