I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
