Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
