I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
