I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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