are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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