Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
