i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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