Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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