It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
