my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
