How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
