I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
