billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
