I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
