Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
