It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just gargled with NyQuil
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
