I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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