Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
