youre lurking in front of me
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
no you cant smoke seaweed
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
