If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Is that strawberry winking at me??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
