the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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