he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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