I think my vagina is haunted
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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