If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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