i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
