Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
