we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
