Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
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I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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