Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
