the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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