if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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