Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
