If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
