She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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