My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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