i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How does one acquire holy water?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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