He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
