What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
