i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize