Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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