my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i love accidental penises.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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