I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
