I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
