I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
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