so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
