Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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