i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
