just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
