Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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